Co-Parenting Through High Conflict: Resources and Tools Every Family Should Know

Co-parenting during a divorce after separation or divorce can be one of the most challenging transitions a family faces. Even in relatively amicable situations, coordinating schedules, making decisions, and maintaining consistent communication can be difficult. In high-conflict cases, those challenges can feel overwhelming.

Successful co-parenting is not just about cooperation—it’s about communication, boundaries, and consistency. When communication breaks down, conflict tends to escalate, often placing children in the middle. This is especially true while you are going through the divorce process and tensions are already high.

Fortunately, there are well-established resources, including books and structured communication apps —that can help parents reduce conflict, stay focused on their children, and create more stable co-parenting relationships. The goal of many of these resources is to help parents learn to regulate themselves and also avoid creating unnecessary conflict with the other parent. Many of the resources available help parents:

• Reduce emotional reactivity
• Communicate more effectively
• Stay child-focused
• Avoid unnecessary disputes
• Create predictable routines for children

Co-Parenting Books

The “OG” co-parenting book, is “BIFF for Co-Parent Commuication: Your Guide to Difficult Texts, Emails and Social Media Posts” by Bill Eddy et al. It is one of the most widely recommended tools in high conflict co-parenting situations and utilizes a simple acronym to help parents communicate. “BIFF” stands for:

• Brief– Keep messages short and to the point
• Informative– Focus only on necessary facts
• Friendly– Maintain a neutral, respectful tone
• Firm– Set clear boundaries and decisions

The BIFF method is designed specifically for situations where one or both parents may be argumentative, accusatory, or emotionally reactive. It helps de-escalate communication by removing emotional triggers and focusing only on relevant information. However,  the BIFF method is generally helpful for all parents as a model for messaging their co-parent. The goal is to reduce conflict and overcommunication.

Eddy’s BIFF book is not the only book on the market that is geared towards helping co-parenting communications, and the BIFF method can also be expanded on and used in conjunction with other co-parenting strategies for best results. Additional books that are recommended throughout the family law realm include:

1. The Co-Parenting Handbook by Karen Bonnell. A practical, step-by-step guide that covers everything from schedules to emotional adjustment. Particularly helpful for newly separated parents.

2. Joint Custody with a Jerk by Julie A. Ross and Judy Corcoran. Focuses on navigating co-parenting with a difficult or uncooperative ex-partner, offering realistic strategies for minimizing conflict.

3. Don’t Alienate the Kids! by Bill Eddy. Explores how conflict between parents can impact children and provides tools to prevent long-term emotional harm.

These books collectively emphasize a key principle: you cannot control the other parent, but you can control your responses.

Co-Parenting Communication Portals/Tools

In addition to Co-parenting books, there are co-parenting tools that can be extraordinarily helpful during a custody/divorce case, and after. These tools are regularly recommended to clients to help control the communication between co-parents and create structured communication channels. Additionally, many of the “apps” are also beneficial for court as they have “professional access” which means you can grant your attorney (or parenting coach, or parent coordinator) access to the app so they can see the messages themselves. The messages sent in communication apps are unalterable, and kept in a format that is easy to export for court. In many cases, the apps provides not only a “read receipt” but a “first-view” receipt so you know when your co-parent saw the message and the how long it took them to actually respond. Some of the apps also allow you to have shared calendars and shared expenses. Among the most popular co-parent communication apps are:

1. Our Family Wizard is probably the most widely recommended co-parenting app. It has the most features, including a “tone meter” and the ability to have calls through the app that are recorded. Some OFW plans also have AI features which suggest changes to messages that assist parents in drafting appropriate messages and responses. The lowest price plan for Our Family Wizard is around $100 per year, but you can add-on additional features for an additional cost.
2.  AppClose was very popular because until January 2026, it was one of the only free apps for co-parenting communication. However, the app now costs $8.99 per month. The features are more limited on AppClose, but it does the basics such as messaging, calls, expense tracking, and document sharing well.
3. TalkingParents is another option available. In addition to the secure messaging features, TalkingParents features include recorded phone calls, shared calendar, and an expense sharing system. The “essentials’ plan for TalkingParents is $7/month.

There are a plethora of tools available to parents going through a divorce or custody case who need guidance in communication. Your attorney or counselor can likely provide you with even more options that may be more tailored to your situation. If you are involved in an extremely high-conflict situation, you should also speak to your attorney about “hands on” professional help, such as a Parent-Coordinator (explained further in a previous blog post), co-parenting Coach, Parenting Coach, or potentially a therapist experienced with high-conflict custody situations. Utilizing the tools and resources available to you can help make the best out of an often difficult situation and improve long-term communication between parents.

Using a co-parenting communication app is extremely beneficial for high-conflict cases as it allows you to keep all messages in one place, control the settings for notifications, and as a tool for your attorneys and support team. Using the apps rather than texting or emails also encourages parents to remain child-focused, which avoids other conversations that may create additional conflict.