AMA 1: Weinberg & Schwartz Partner Amos Whitney Answers Your Questions

** The responses in this blog post should not be considered legal advice — specific questions about real-life family law situations should be addressed with an attorney **

My Ex is getting re-married soon, what should I know with respect to our son?

First, being a stepparent is a really difficult, and often thank-less, role. Often there can be tension/conflict both between the stepparent and the stepchildren, as well as with the biological parent. We get lots of inquiries regarding whether our clients can limit the contact between children and a new romantic partner. So, stepparents often find themselves in a tough position through no fault of their own.

Second, the right person in a stepparent role can sometimes have a significant positive impact on a household. A stepparent can bring strengths to parenting areas where their spouse (the biological parent) may be less strong or simply make their partner a happier and more pleasant version of themselves. A stepparent can turn into a positive relationship for the stepchildren as well. Many clients report that they find their ex’s to be easier to interact with in difficult times when there is a positive and supportive romantic partner in the picture.

But these positive relationships take time to foster and grow. One thing to do with a child whose parent is remarrying is preach patience and reiterate that the re-marrying parent still loves and values the child. Not only does it take time to build a strong relationship, it also takes time to show the child that they are not ‘losing’ their parent or falling down the pecking order.

With that said, staying alert to the fact there could be difficulties adjusting to the new household dynamic or flat-out dysfunction with the stepparent is also important. As a parent who wants the best for the child involved, there is a fine line to walk between being vigilant versus  overprotective.

When and Why do you recommend mediation or alternative dispute resolution in family law cases?

Some clients of mine that have consultations with me are surprised that I almost ALWAYS recommend at least trying some form of mediation prior to filing contested litigation with the Court. While in some cases it is not appropriate, in most cases I feel that it is worth the shot. Family law cases (divorce, child custody, child support, etc.) are expensive, time & energy consuming, and stressful. I will often ask clients if it will help them sleep better at night going forward if they at least make an effort to avoid that expense and stress. The best possible outcome is that a resolution is reached without having to go into Court, and the worst is that you can testify later that you tried everything – including asking the other side to go to mediation – to avoid litigating the issue. Most of the time for me, I see mediation/ADR efforts as a win/win for the client.